


End Of Life As Ryan Had Known It

by Greenfrogger



Series: Greefrogger's Brad and Ryan stories [1]
Category: Whose Line Is It Anyway? RPF
Genre: Anger, Death, Gen, Postpartum Depression, Resentment, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-26
Updated: 2016-06-26
Packaged: 2018-07-18 07:30:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7305349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Greenfrogger/pseuds/Greenfrogger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>WARNING!  This story starts with suicide by a woman suffered from postpartum issues who "snaps" and takes the life of herself and kids.  If that's a trigger for you please don't read.</p>
<p>The story deals with how Brad and Ryan, who both lose their respective spouses (and kids in Ryan's case) bond together and get through the harrowing first few weeks of Ryan losing his wife and kids.</p>
<p>This is no way true!  It's fiction.  Just a story idea that I had.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Please remember, this does have a dark theme to it - Ryan's wife Pat committing suicide, killing herself and kids. If you can't handle it please don't read. Thanks.

Ryan received a phone call that no parent or spouse should ever receive.

The closest body to him was Brad who immediately saw Ryan crumble to the ground.

Brad caught him before he fell to the ground, eased him down, and let Ryan hold on to him for dear life while he cried wave wrecking sobs.

Brad took the phone out of Ryan’s clammy hands.

The person on the other line explained to Brad that Ryan’s wife drove their car with their two kids off the Golden Gate Bridge with no survivors.

Witnesses to the accident indicated that it was a purposeful act.

 

Obviously, although Dan was not pleased, recording of Whose Line was cancelled.

Brad held Ryan and let him cry. 

There was no mention that everything would be okay whispered in Ryan’s ear.

Brad had learned the hard way about meaningless words because everything wouldn’t be okay.

Brad lost Seana last year - although it wasn’t death by her suicide, it was death by suicide by for the other driver.

After all the two had hurdled through - more illnesses and scary life altering diagnosis then any couple should have endure. But there was light at the end of tunnel and they were ready to embark on being free from being tied down from doctor visits when a guy slammed head-on into her Kia. It didn’t help the fact that he was being heavily chased by three State Police Officers’ vehicles that also slammed into the mess. For what? Not pulling over for expired tabs. 

Although, in hindsight, the officer that originally tried to pull the guy over thought he was a career criminal, when actually, he was a kid who had witness the arrest of his own father and was told never to stop for them - to run. The kid ended up dying from his injuries; Seana died on impact and the police officers, well they tried to say they weren’t chasing the kid at a high rate of speed, instead they were following him with their lights on. The proof showed otherwise; little to no consequence to Brad who had already lost too much.

 

At the shrill of Ryan’s tears everyone came in - Drew, Colin, and Wayne - wondering what was going on.

“It’s not fair, Brad,” Ryan would mumble over and over.

Colin, to his credit, tried to console Ryan, but Ryan jerked away. They left and got Dan.

Dan came in, never seeing Ryan in this state of distress.

Dan wanted to know, no demanded to know, what had happened.

Ryan screamed at him telling him that his family had just died.

Dan was taken aback and immediately left the room.

Brad decided enough was enough; got Ryan to his feet; got him to his car and took him to his home.

At Ryan’s insistence, Brad held him as he called is In-Laws and explained what happened. Twenty questions later - like didn’t you know she was depressed; how could you let this happen, he got off the phone with them. Obviously they blamed Ryan for their daughter’s actions.

When Ryan tried to call his parents he just cried into the phone and Brad explained what had happened. He also told them that his wife’s parents tried to pin the guilt on Ryan, saying he should have known she was capable of doing this.

Mr. Stiles thanked Brad for his help and ended the conversation.

“I didn’t know she was capable, Brad, honest I didn’t,” was the first thing Ryan said after the phone call.

“I know you didn’t.”

“But how could she,” meaning Pat’s mom, “playing it as my fault?”

“Because she wants someone to blame,” Brad said. “I thought by putting blame on people that it would make me feel better. It didn’t.”

 

The few days in between the incident and the funeral Ryan stayed with Brad. Going back home was something he wasn’t prepared to do.

“I appreciate you letting me stay with you. Just can’t face the house yet,” Ryan calmly spoke the next morning.

“No problem. Stay as long as you like,” Brad said.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure, anything.”

“Does it get easier?”

“It does, but there are certain days I still hide. Her birthday; our various anniversaries; the day that she was killed I’m sure I’ll be a total wreck. One thing though is you need to grieve and it takes time. There will be something that reminds me of her and I tear up and it will happen you just have to let it.”

“I’m going to sell the house, that much I know.”

“Okay,” Brad paused. “You’re welcome to stay here as long as you like. I’ve got an extra bedroom and you’re welcome to it. You’re more than welcome to move here. Think about it, there’s no rush to make a big decision like that.”

“Thanks. Can you go with me to the funeral home? Don’t think I can do this on my own.”

“Sure, no problem.”

 

Funeral was held and everyone from Whose Line showed along with all the family members. Pat’s dad understood; Pat’s mom still blamed Ryan and it all came to a boil minutes before the funeral service was to begin.

“Didn’t you realize that Pat needed help?” she screamed at Ryan. “How dare you let her take those babies.”

“No,” Ryan screamed back at her. “I didn’t see or realize anything, okay?” Ryan paused. “Don’t you think I feel a horrible, fucking guilt about it. Don’t you fucking think I’m to blame for all this; that I should have known something was up?”

Ryan paused.

“Then again - maybe it was a decision that she made minutes before leaving the house. Maybe the blame should be put on her because she made the decision to end it this way. I’m sorry that you lost you’re daughter and your beautiful grandchildren but I lost my fucking family because my wife thought there was no end in sight and that, my dear mother-in-law, is on me.”

Ryan left the funeral home and Brad followed him. Ryan was shaking so bad that he couldn’t light his cigarette and suddenly there was Brad with a light. He didn’t say anything, he just sat next to Ryan while he smoked, hoping that it would calm his frayed nerves down.

Brad finally spoke minutes later. “You know it’s not your fault. You can’t blame yourself for her actions. I know you want to but if you go down that path you’ll have a hard time coming out.”

“You know I try and think why would Pat doing something like this? Did I miss a sign? Did I….”

“Ryan, stop beating yourself up over it. I hate to say this but more than likely you’ll never figure out why and that’s hurts most of all.”

Ryan finished his cigarette and he and Brad went back into the funeral home and the services commenced.


	2. Chapter 2

Ryan was thankful that he didn’t have a luncheon after the funeral procession. He just wanted to be alone. Burying his wife and babies into the ground finally had made their deaths a reality.

Brad was nice enough to leave him be once they got home. Didn’t say a word, just exited the car and went in the house.

Ryan thought that Brad went through the same emotion when he buried Seana.

He eventually got out of the car, went into the house and straight to what has become his bedroom. He knew he had to clean out what would be his former home soon and put it up on the market but it could wait another day.

 

Colin had texted Brad, wondering about Ryan.

Instead of having a text session back and forth he just called the man.

“Hello,” Colin said.

“Hey, Colin,”

“How’s Ryan doing?”

“He’s doing as well as expected.”

“What was the deal with his mother-in-law?”

“She’s playing the blame game because she can’t believe her daughter would have done such a atrocious act. So putting the blame on Ryan makes it easier for the moment.”

“Is there anything that he needs?”

“Nope. I think what Ryan needs is some time to be able to grieve and reflect and when he’s ready to face the world, he’ll do it. He just needs some time to allow his emotions to come out.”

Brad knew that Colin was pissed that he didn’t come running to him instead of Brad. Maybe God put him there in that room with Ryan for a reason. Since her death, Brad had a few instances that showed him that God existed. Granted it sucked that he lost the love of his life but since that time there’s been instances that, at least he believed, that God exist.

Brad wondered if Colin really even knew Ryan anymore. It just seemed that they were going in opposite directions. Colin became the more bubbly personality while Ryan was becoming increasingly quiet.

“Well, okay then. I’ll talk to you later, bye.”

“Thank goodness,” Brad muttered as Ryan came down the stairs.

“Who was on the phone?” Ryan asked.

“Colin. Wanted to know if you needed anything.”

“Yeah, Colin. Means well but doesn’t get the hint that sometimes I need to be alone or with others.”

“I thought that. Why else would you be with me instead of Colin?” Brad inquired.

“Out of all my close friends, you would be the only one who gets it. I don’t know how you went through it when Seana died.”

“You know Ryan, you were the only one that would call me once in a while to do something.”

“Seriously? No one else?”

“You see when you lose a close love one no one knows how to react. It was nice to get out of the house for awhile and forget.”


	3. Chapter 3

“Brad?” Ryan asked one morning a week or so after the funeral.

“What’s up?”

“How did you get through going through your old house with all the memories.”

“I drank a lot.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I’m not saying that’s the best way but it was my way.”

“I’ve got to do this but I can’t even fathom going near it, much less in it.”

“I’ve got an idea. Give me your keys and I’ll Jeff, Chip, and Greg and we’ll go through it.”

“No. I’ve got to face the realization that they’re gone. I just feel like I should have known she was capable of doing this.”

“Listen, I know it might not be politically correct but you have to put the blame on her for causing this.” Ryan was about to say something when Brad stopped him. “Listen to me, I know us men don’t understand what women go through regarding postpartum. I know less then you do since Seana and I didn't have kids. But unless the clues were obvious, and I know they weren’t because you would have done everything in your power to get her help, you can’t blame yourself for what she did.”

“I know but still I rack my brain for a clue and come up with nothing.”

“When you’re ready to go through the house, you tell me what you need and I’ll make sure you have it.”

“Thanks.”

“This is going to be stupid, but can we wait until it’s dark to go there tonight?.”

“Sure,” Yes, Brad was curious but didn’t want to force the why issue on Ryan.

A few minutes later Ryan blurted out, “I just don’t want the neighbors to see me. I know it’s dumb but I’m sure a few think I should have known or want to talk to me and in all honesty I don’t want to talk to them.”

“No problem. I was lucky because I didn’t have neighbors like you do so I didn’t have to worry about that. Is there anything you want to get?”

“Can you go and get boxes and garbage bags; I seriously just want to either pack and give to my in-laws or charity; and pitch whatever else.”

Ryan called his father-in-law, still haven’t forgiven his mother-in-law yet and told him that if they wanted anything tonight was the night to do it He told Ryan okay and that they would be over.

Brad did what he was told and as the sun was setting, the boys made their way over to Ryan’s house. Minutes later the in-laws arrived.

“Gee, thanks for the heads up, Ryan,” MIL said.

Ryan didn’t retaliate. He just wanted to get this done and be over with. “I’m sure whatever you want, you can have; just let me know. I figure all the furniture; kids stuff; pots and pans; her clothes, if you guys don’t want them could be donated. I just want my clothes and some personal mementoes.”

Ryan went to his bedroom to grab his clothes and to his office to grab whatever he wanted. He instructed Brad to go to the kitchen to discard the stuff in the refrigerator and whatever was open in the cupboards. His MIL was insistent on retrieving some jewelry that Ryan agreed was part of Pat’s family but really other than that was nothing that they needed nor wanted. They all agreed to donate all their clothing, toys, furniture, and kitchenware.

Within three hours, everyone had gotten out what they needed and it would be the last time Ryan would see his in-laws. He let Brad organize the house cleaning party, without him being involved, and to call the charity of his choice to come and get everything.

Ryan, exhausted by the day’s event had passed out in bed hours ago. Brad had organized a cleaning party at what would be Ryan’s former house for the following weekend with the help of Whose Line crew. He debated not calling Colin, but he rather invite him and deal with all the questions then to deal with a Colin that was pissed off that he wasn’t involved.

As he was thinking about going to bed he could hear Ryan whimpering in his sleep. Knowing that this wouldn’t end well Brad headed towards Ryan’s room to help him deal with the nightmare.

Ryan woke himself up prior to Brad getting there. Ryan was sitting up, tears streaking down his face, saw Brad and stretched out his arms for comfort.

Brad returned the hug; didn’t speak a word; waited for Ryan to speak first. There wasn’t a word that Brad could think of that would comfort Ryan.

Moments passed and Ryan calm down. He went to lay down but he wouldn’t let go of Brad.

“I get the hint, Ryan,” Brad said and snuggled up behind Ryan.

This would be the first night of many that Brad and Ryan would sleep together to keep the nightmares at bay for either of them.


	4. Chapter 4

It was 7:30 the next morning when Brad awoke to the sun hitting in his eyes. Some time during the night, Brad laid on his back and Ryan snuggled up onto his chest, lulled away by his heartbeat. Knowing Ryan needed rest, Brad just laid there holding him close.

Brad must have dozed off because at 9:30 Brad awoke to the feeling that someone was looking at him. True to his feeling, there was Ryan just waiting for him to wake up.

Brad could tell that Ryan wanted to talk and let him take the lead for the conversation.

A few more moments passed before Ryan had the courage to start.

“I’m sad, Brad,” Ryan started and Brad gave him a squeeze. “I’m sad because my babies are gone but I’m so mad at Pat for doing this to me and to them and even to her parents and extended family. I feel like I’m being pulled from one emotion to the other just before I get the previous one under control,” tears started rolling down Ryan’s cheeks.

“You’re going to feel like that for awhile,” Brad quietly told him. I know my situation was a different then yours but the emotional rollercoaster is something that I went through for a few weeks afterwards.”

“Is it okay to hate her?” Ryan asked.

“You don’t hate her, do you?” Brad asked. “Honesty, you hate the action that she did but not her. I do too. I wish she would have reached out to you.”

“I keep wracking my brain to try to find a clue and I can’t find one. I think that’s the hardest part about this. This should have been preventable, I should have realized she was drowning in postpartum depression but for the life of me I can’t recall a single moment that she wasn’t her happy, jovial self. So do I let her take all the blame in this? That’s my biggest question - I don’t know what I could have done? I didn’t see it coming.”

“I think it can happen that way as well. She put up a good front and then one day she snapped and maybe that’s where we have to let it lie, Ryan. I know you want to burden some of the blame but maybe you shouldn’t.”

There was a brief lull in the conversation as Ryan let the silent tears fall. Brad held on to him tight. Silence sometimes was for the best.

“I don’t want to be alone,” Ryan said minutes later as the tears fell. “Now with them gone, I will be.”

“Ryan, you’re not alone. You have me, Colin, Wayne, Greg, Jeff, Chip, Drew, everyone from Whose Line and the Drew Carey Show,” Brad paused to let what he said sink in.

“The door is open to you if you want to stay here - there’s no rush to move and you don’t have to move at all if you don’t want to. When you need a shoulder to cry on, I’ll be there for you; if you want to talk, I’ll talk to you, if you just want to be held I’ll be there for that too. Don't be a tough guy about this, okay? When you’re weary; I’ll be strong.” Brad held in, gently scratched his back to lull him back to sleep.

Once asleep, Brad whispered, “You’ll be okay, Ryan; I’ll get through what ever you need,” and went back to sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

Ryan never did leave Brad’s house.

Brad and Ryan would sleep together when they were home together just because it provided comfort for one another. They tried to plan their Whose Lines tours so that they would be both gone on the road at the same time. They happily lived together until the end as two people who loved one another as friends, as best friends. In other words, they didn’t need sex to be happy. Not everyone did. They just understood one another.

Life continued on. There were days when Ryan would reminisce and wonder what his kids would be doing if their lives weren’t cut short or if he and Pat would have remained married. There were days when Ryan wouldn’t want to get out of bed but there would be Brad to let him mope for a bit and then do his magic to get him in a better mood.

Brad would have bad days too and Ryan would be there for him just to listen to him talk about Seana. Ryan had wished he had gotten to know her better then just meeting her a few times. She sounded like she was a wonderful woman who had finally her whole life ahead of her when it was cut short.

Ryan’s house was sold, probably way under priced but he just wanted to get rid of it. Brad sort out all the contents with the help of the Whose Line crew that next weekend and was able to donate everything to the local charity. Ryan continued working on Whose Line until the shows went off the air and the group decided to stop touring. When the show stopped airing, Brad and Colin quit their two-man show and afterwards never had a reason to speak. There was thought a few years later to do a reunion show but neither Brad nor Ryan had the mindset to do it anymore. They were happy being upper middle aged men, living a simple life together and really didn’t care to deal with the stress of being on a television show or doing a live tour. They had enough money to live on and being on the road or on a show wasn’t thrilling for them anymore.

No, they had more important things to do like plant flowers, plant a garden complete with a bunch of fruit and vegetables that they loved to eat off the vine, enjoy laying together outside on their hammock, with Ryan snoozing and Brad daydreaming, watching the clouds go by. This was their life now and they just wanted to enjoy it.

Life would be simple for the boys who lived together until they were old and gray. The first one died in the other man’s arms; whispering to the dying man that it was okay to let go now. He had been in pain for sometime now, the cancer riddling throughout his body. Promising to find him when he crossed over, the man let go and got his wings. 

The other man, would continue to live for a few more years until his heart gave out, dying in his sleep. As promised they found one another in heaven, tears of joy raked down their cheeks as they hugged each other and spent eternity together in heaven.


End file.
